November 10, 2009
"I am in a bit of a break through- at this very moment. We came up for Grandpa's doctor appointments. I haven't seen or talked to anyone from Orem Deseret Book since I left in May. I quit in quite an unprofessional manner and I have been embarrassed and nervous to come visit. Kevin, one of my friends from Deseret Book, texted this weekend and found out I was up here. He, with the help of Kris persuaded me to stop by and see them. I was so nervous and scared to go in. After much apprehension and a few panic attacks, I did end up going in.....
It was MAGICAL!!! I can't believe I've held back from visiting the store. I did have friends! They are so wonderful. I miss them tremendously. I haven't been a good friend to anyone. It felt so great to see them.
I feel like a million bucks. I feel like I could do anything. I am such a different person. Tonight with Nana and Grandpa and the Greers we went to Olive Garden for my mom's birthday. Olive Garden is seriously amazing, my most favorite. I always leave over stuffed. I was a bit nervous to go, but my weight goal and new life mean way too much. So, I made the decision- no bites, no sneaky tastes. I chose a yummy grilled chicken with asparagus. I was satisfied. Seriously. I did not have the desire for any bread (my biggest weakness), nor delicious pasta.
I AM NO LONGER A SLAVE TO FOOD. I AM FREE!! FOOD NO LONGER DICTATES WHAT I DO, OR HOW I FEEL. I do.
I just realized that, holy cow. I can conquer anything, and can be anyone. I would not be at this point without Tena. Instead of having lost 56 pounds- I would have gained at least that much more. I was eating fast food 2-3 times a day, 6 times a week, in very large quantities. Wow.
I can be happy.
I can be Monica."
So can you.
I mean be YOU, not me :)