Epiphany

I can't believe I forgot to include the thought process that lead to my last post. It was the whole point of my experience, the crowning moment. Every moment, every feeling, every emotion, every experience every person has further changed me and provided this epiphany to come to pass. I just happen to have written it down.

November 10, 2009
"I am in a bit of a break through- at this very moment. We came up for Grandpa's doctor appointments. I haven't seen or talked to anyone from Orem Deseret Book since I left in May. I quit in quite an unprofessional manner and I have been embarrassed and nervous to come visit. Kevin, one of my friends from Deseret Book, texted this weekend and found out I was up here. He, with the help of Kris persuaded me to stop by and see them. I was so nervous and scared to go in. After much apprehension and a few panic attacks, I did end up going in.....

It was MAGICAL!!! I can't believe I've held back from visiting the store. I did have friends! They are so wonderful. I miss them tremendously. I haven't been a good friend to anyone. It felt so great to see them.

I feel like a million bucks. I feel like I could do anything. I am such a different person. Tonight with Nana and Grandpa and the Greers we went to Olive Garden for my mom's birthday. Olive Garden is seriously amazing, my most favorite. I always leave over stuffed. I was a bit nervous to go, but my weight goal and new life mean way too much. So, I made the decision- no bites, no sneaky tastes. I chose a yummy grilled chicken with asparagus. I was satisfied. Seriously. I did not have the desire for any bread (my biggest weakness), nor delicious pasta.

I AM NO LONGER A SLAVE TO FOOD. I AM FREE!! FOOD NO LONGER DICTATES WHAT I DO, OR HOW I FEEL. I do.

I just realized that, holy cow. I can conquer anything, and can be anyone. I would not be at this point without Tena. Instead of having lost 56 pounds- I would have gained at least that much more. I was eating fast food 2-3 times a day, 6 times a week, in very large quantities. Wow.

I can be happy.
I can be Monica."

So can you.

I mean be YOU, not me :)