Duncan/Greer/Jones Family Theme Song :D

I love my family!!

Re-post, as in re-do

This is how I felt this morning :/

MAGICAL!!

This was the first season I followed from episode one to the finale. Danny melted my heart from the beginning. I am so glad that he won. He lost 55.58% of himself!!! Incredible. Simply amazing.

Isn't Antoine hot?!!?!? Too bad he found love and proposed to her on national TV :(

Epiphany

I can't believe I forgot to include the thought process that lead to my last post. It was the whole point of my experience, the crowning moment. Every moment, every feeling, every emotion, every experience every person has further changed me and provided this epiphany to come to pass. I just happen to have written it down.

November 10, 2009
"I am in a bit of a break through- at this very moment. We came up for Grandpa's doctor appointments. I haven't seen or talked to anyone from Orem Deseret Book since I left in May. I quit in quite an unprofessional manner and I have been embarrassed and nervous to come visit. Kevin, one of my friends from Deseret Book, texted this weekend and found out I was up here. He, with the help of Kris persuaded me to stop by and see them. I was so nervous and scared to go in. After much apprehension and a few panic attacks, I did end up going in.....

It was MAGICAL!!! I can't believe I've held back from visiting the store. I did have friends! They are so wonderful. I miss them tremendously. I haven't been a good friend to anyone. It felt so great to see them.

I feel like a million bucks. I feel like I could do anything. I am such a different person. Tonight with Nana and Grandpa and the Greers we went to Olive Garden for my mom's birthday. Olive Garden is seriously amazing, my most favorite. I always leave over stuffed. I was a bit nervous to go, but my weight goal and new life mean way too much. So, I made the decision- no bites, no sneaky tastes. I chose a yummy grilled chicken with asparagus. I was satisfied. Seriously. I did not have the desire for any bread (my biggest weakness), nor delicious pasta.

I AM NO LONGER A SLAVE TO FOOD. I AM FREE!! FOOD NO LONGER DICTATES WHAT I DO, OR HOW I FEEL. I do.

I just realized that, holy cow. I can conquer anything, and can be anyone. I would not be at this point without Tena. Instead of having lost 56 pounds- I would have gained at least that much more. I was eating fast food 2-3 times a day, 6 times a week, in very large quantities. Wow.

I can be happy.
I can be Monica."

So can you.

I mean be YOU, not me :)

I didn't realize how blurry the world had become...

Life this summer was quite....well, it was something else, to say the least. It was probably the most emotional and mental time of my life. Stepping back from myself, many things were brought into focus. Parts of myself I never wanted to see, others I had smothered under layers and layers of denial. I can't say there was one specific reason why i began to bury myself, or why I decided to take out the microscope and begin to question myself. It wasn't just one thing, but it was a lot of somethings. Remember my post back in January of LAST year?? (i just went in search of it, and I couldn't believe it was that long ago...) The only thing I changed, was I gained probably, thirty pounds. I kind of went the wrong way... As we saw on The Biggest Loser last week, it was makeover week, and they were given the opportunity to speak to a group of 300 people and share their experience. Danny's little daughter just melted my heart. She talked of only ever having a fat daddy. She was so excited to see the new daddy, and of the great things he was doing on his journey. And the best part... she is excited to start her own journey :D Oh my, it was just the sweetest thing. So, I decided to share my journey. It's a bit unconventional, but the principle of weight loss is still the same. That's what I will focus on.

Last spring I found myself holed up in my apartment bedroom with an addiction to food and an attempt to be interactive and social with online chat and TV. At the time, I didn't realize what was going on . I had a great job at Deseret Book with some of my bestest friends. I had access to great resources and knowledge, as well as sinfully delicious Lion House creations. I felt.....good, rather what I perceived as "good". I was working full-time and was attempting school full time. When I didn't have school and was off work, I thrived for my alone time in my bedroom, in front of the TV with a large combo from Wendy's, including a Frosty and various candy bars, or large container of Panda Express with an extra large Dr. Pepper, or my most favorite....Chick-fil-a...(oh man!). I was happy, surrounded by my BFF's: technology and food. They were constant. Supportive. Never failing. I seriously thought I was fine, that I wasn't "that bad". But as you can tell from this picture to the right, I am HUGE!!! I was so far from being even remotely close to okay. My dear family and friends were so kind and endlessly loving. They have always loved me for me, and I appreciate that. Truly, more than anything else. However, I did have a couple friends that kindly references things they were doing to be healthy. My dear roommate bought a yoga DVD and shared with me her workout regime, somewhat suggesting in a very caring manner that I should do the same. I knew of this, but blew it off and held my ground and strengthened my "power" struggle to continue my path of life being "okay" by secretly eating candy bars from my dresser drawer. What was I thinking? Who had I become?!?


Here is my new drivers license. (I hope you can't steal my identify from this snapshot!) It was taken on my birthday of this year. At this point in my life, I was feeling pretty good about myself and what I was doing. I had just started a new semester, had received a Pell grant that completely paid for the semester and my books. I was still working at the best place on earth, Deseret Book with great and amazing individuals. However, as I type this I recall a few things. In June of the previous year, a relationship of mind had ended. It was defiantly the best thing that could have happened for me, but it was also the most difficult. That was also a huge contributor to me becoming so huge. I let it effect me in that manner. My coping skills were solely food. With the new year I was determined to only look forward, and to choose to be happy. A lot of the last year is surprisingly quite hazy. I can remember specifics feelings, and the occasional experience, but really, I don't remember much of what I thought or exactly what was happening. The extra weight was clouding my mind, my ability to think and reason. This is also why i wasn't able to make a serious change. I was eating fast food two to three times a day. Yes, a day. I would become upset for Sundays to come because I couldn't go out and pick me up some greasy goodness. The only food I had in the apartment was cereal, candy bars, cookie mix, ice cream and frozen burritos. None of that matched up with the deliciousness of McDonald's or even of Subway. (I would eat there every so often and felt pretty good about myself! I was eating healthy, ha!) ;) One evening after I got off work, I went over to the food court to get me some delicious Chick-fil-a. Tena was texting me off and on as usual. She asked me what I was up to. I sent her a pic of my array of food with the newest book I was reading. We began a discussion on where I was in my life mentally and emotionally. This lead to a list of questions. I will forever remember this moment for the remainder of my life. It was a turning point. I had alluded to things in our discussions in the past, but I had never said anything out right about my addiction to food. No one really knew the extent of my habit. It was obvious just by looking at me that I had issues. But the fine detail of eating out sometimes three times a day was unaware by all except my bank account. The questions she asked me were the most probing questions anyone had ever asked me. She hit a nerve. She brought up topics and points that I had never heard anyone else talk about, nor had I shared with anyone before. There I sat in the middle of the food court crying over my meal of death. I share these with you now because of the impact they had on me. I hope it can help someone else.

1. Are you going to be able to get on the floor with your kids?


2. Are you going to teach them to be healthy and eat right?
   
3. Are you going to develop a disease for being overweight?


4. Why do you over eat?
   
5. Why do you eat alone in your car?


6. Do you feel bad after a secret eat?


7. At times is all you can think of is what you are going to eat later?


8. Do you watch the clock?


9. Does the thought of food make your mouth water?


10. Do you eat fast when you are alone, or eat a lot and then still feel hungry?


11. Do you eat when you see someone that is skinny and who appears happy?


12. Thinking that is what you would like to have?


13. Have you ever been late or not gone to something because you were eating?


14. Have you lied or told a half truth because you were eating or headed to eat?


15. Why do you think you struggle with what direction to go in your life?


16. Why do you think you beat yourself up for being over weight and not married, or done with school?


17. When those things get you down, what do you do?
    

Aren't those some intense questions?? I was so overtaken. She also said: "Eating in secret is a sign. Many many people do it. They will be looking at the clock counting down, just waiting to have those moments with the food. You have to get to the root of it to change it FOREVER, and be able to continue to live. It's not always one specific event that can trigger the over eating, leading to obesity. It can be a combination of a multitude of things. Understanding is a BIG part of the battle. You need to continue to deal with those feelings and past experiences you have had; it is not easy but they will help you move forward." It will be almost 6 months before I put this into action, but it sure began something inside of me.

At the beginning of May I found myself wanting to be home. I missed my family. I made a split second decision to go home for the summer. Within two weeks my apartment was packed up, boxes moved to a new apartment I would return to in August, and Granny Pearl was packed up with clothes and what not that I would need for my summer stay. My motivation in moving home, was hopes to be a support and help for my family and a dear friend. I was tired of being so far away, that I felt I couldn't be of help. I came home expecting to change people. I hoped to be such a good example and source of strength for them, that I would make a difference in their lives for the better, for more happiness. I quickly found out that was impossible. I can be those things for them, but I can't expect them to change into what I perceived they should be. With this new set of disappointments and discouragements I once again found myself holed up in my bedroom. I had no job to use up my time, and my family had their own routines. I had a miniature man, 5 year old LP, that kept me smiling. Some days laying in bed with me while we read books, or wallowed on the couch while we watched TV and movies. Financially, I struggled to upkeep my addiction as intensely as when I was living in Orem. I had to drop down to one time a day, sometimes I could get away with two times, but not very often. Luckily I had a very dear friend, who allowed me to live in her basement. She is the greatest cook. She began to introduce me to a new variety of tastiness. The food was delicious, but it had only one problem. Serving size. I remember having specific thought processes with myself wondering how in the world they were able to survive on such small amounts of food. I began hiding food in my closet. Food I would snatch from my parents house, or junk I bought. This way I could enjoy the yummy home cooked meals, and continue my habit in the safety of my closet.

During my stay at Tena's, we revisited those questions and she brought forth more insight and wisdom. With her cooking she began teaching me how to pick out produce, how to pay attention to calories and fat content as well as sugars and carbs. I began to understand bit by bit. However, I was not ready to change or willing to give up my french fries. We began to hear chatter about the HCG diet- positive and negative. Tena being the nurse she is, did some intense research and reading. I talked with people who had been on the diet. We decided that based on the amount of weight I needed to lose, this diet would be beneficial for me. I realize the controversy behind the diet, and I don't want to say that it works for everyone. Because it might not. That's one thing I've learned. Everyone's body make-up is different, and depending on the diet, each will effect them differently. That's why there are many diet options and why some are successful at them and some aren't.

Anyway.....So I decided to start the diet. The journey I have begun hasn't been easy. It's probably the most difficult task ever. I have been formed and reformed into various versions of myself. About 3 weeks into the diet I was struggling worse then before. My coping mechanism for life was food. I was now stripped of it. I struggled to find something to fill my time and take my mind off of food. That is still evolving even today. I feel into a very dark hole. I was still in a lonely state of mind, finding myself in my bedroom watching movies. I was to return to Orem by the middle of August. I had a wonderful job and new apartment to go back to. The situation I was in, was probably worse then when I left Orem. I was now going to return in more of a mess. Farther away from my support system of family and friends. I had bombed out the last two semesters at school, and was now on probation. I wasn't going to be able to return to UVU without some repercussions. (wow, I didn't think I would ever share that. But it is part of who I am today) Just a week before the semester was to start, I called and told my wonderful and understanding boss (and I'm not just saying that to kiss up, cause she does read my blog...but because she is one of my dearest friends who has helped shape me into who I am, and I really do appreciate her) that I wouldn't be returning. I went in and talked with Dixie State College, I enrolled and began the Fall semester.

As I settled in my new life here in St. George, my mood and self perspective began to improve, not without some struggles. This dieting attempt was different than any other time before. I had finally committed to something, and it is working for me. Something literally switched in my brain. I have become so much happier and confident. Nothing matches to who I have become in the last 4 months. This journey, as The Biggest Loser refers to it, is still on going. I'm half way to my goal as of today. I have lost 65 pounds. I can hardly believe it when I compare pictures. Physically I am so different. But mentally and emotionally, I am even more different. I actually understand why we need fruits and vegetables, why you have to be aware of your intake of calories and sugars, etc. I will never be the same. I hope to never return to the old Monica.

Not to overly quote The Biggest Loser, but this week they shared some cold hard facts about obesity. I was in absolute shock. Everyone knows someone with cancer. It's quite prevalent. As a country, we pay $90 million a year on treatment for cancer. For obesity we pay the $90 million, plus an additional $57 million a year. A YEAR!!! I couldn't even tell you how much that adds up to be. There are 20 million gastric bypasses done yearly. And obesity is still an issue. They also reported that if once you reach your ideal weight, and you maintain it for 40 years, you will save $1 million dollars. That is not eating junk food, medical bills, loss of work because of obesity illness and disease plus so much more. $1 million dollars!!! We need to make a change!! The common complaint is the cost of eating healthy. It seems so much more expensive. Tena put it into perspective for me just today. We went down to Wal-mart for some grocery shopping. She was picking out some produce, and I noticed that the oranges were 5o cents each. I was way shocked. I even commented on it, saying how expensive it was. Later this afternoon, we were talking about it again. She brought up a mind blowing point. She said something to the effect of, "People scoff at the price of eating healthy. Like you did today at the oranges, they were 50 cents each. But I can promise you people didn't bat an eye when a candy bar rose to 75 cents." What the heck?!?! She is so right. We have to change. It is possible.

Now, I do not want praise nor open recognition to this accomplishment. It is definitely not only me to look to for this success. I have oodles and oodles of people to thank for the person I am transforming into. I only ask that someone will take from my experience, and make a change within themselves. Truly, there is no better happiness then a life free of addiction, whatever that addiction may be, and a life centered around gratitude for a loving God who has blessed us with our lives.

With the blog title I chose, it does have a dual meaning. One being this physical/mental/emotion transformation that is occurring. Who I am suppose to be, and the way I was living, was blinding. I struggle remembering the last two years, and its because of the burden of being obese. I didn't realize it until I started making the change. Everything has become more and more clear. Besides that, I had my vision checked for the first time in my life. It's just a slight astigmatism, but enough to make a difference! Everything looks so crisp! My favorite past time is testing it. I'll be in class and my professor has something up on the overhead projector and I'll take my glasses on and off. It's silly, but it makes me smile :)

And whats the deal with our schools?? I took this picture at PVHS just a week ago. There are 5 slots for Mountain Dew, and a vending machine full of giants cookies and pop tarts. Huh?!?! We need to take a stand for our health, or we are going to become the future portrayed in the Wall-E movie. Seriously!

Family and Fall-ness

Earlier this week some of the fam went up for a visit with the grandparents and cousins. It was lovely, and the evidence of Fall was beautiful. Don't we all look alike?? :D

Mal's BFF came along for the ride, and this park in Sugarhouse was the breeding ground for some photo opportunities. Allie has a great creative eye.

Happy Fall!

Simple Act of Love

My Favorite Part of Nana

sure love her!

"Going Green" in Oregon

Make sure to click on the following picture to learn exactly how it works

"Oh, I love technology, but not as much as you, you see...."

[name that movie......]

Reinactment of "Ice Road Truckers"

Which Temple am I?

The Mystery Has Been Solved!

The mystery we have been dealing with is actually a mixture of two situations. Here we have the finished project of the newly painted play set. We were busily ending the project at the end of a very hot day, and we spilled the remaining amount- which you had already guessed....

Here is Preston modeling it for you :)

The painting project took about two days to complete. Both days we had the neighborhood cat, Oscar, joining us. Each day he was hanging out by the fence and bush-ery area. No sweat, just a cat looking for some shade in this blasted hot climate. Right? Wrong.

The next night we were out BBQ-ing, and Preston comes over with something in his hand. Next thing I know, Tena is screeming at the top of her lungs: "Drop it, drop it!!!" It was a dead mouse. [you can't exactly see the mouse, he is in the grass. this is preston posing with the friend]

We decided to give Mr. Mouse a proper burial, including a grave, a prayer and a head stone. Rest in peace Mr. Mouse.

[not too sure about the helmet... a bit of protection against the mouse....]

So, there is the story, an overlapping of sorts :)

Clue #4

Clue #3

(and yes, you have guessed right, but I want to finish my game! you are too smart!)

CLue #2

Clue #1

Can you solve the mystery?

New Buddies

"Look Michael, sometimes I wear my hat sideways like you!"

"I like Michael, he plays with me."

Life in St. George

Lessons are being learned.

Life in St. George is much different than life in Provo.

'nough said.

A Tender Must See

This movie ended up being a bit of a surprise. It is a mixture of tender moments with bursts of unexpected laughter. It caused some good life reflecting thought processes, and pondering on . . . well, life!

In the words of a friend, "It will change your life!"

Sad Day

I am so very sad. My lap top has decieded to take a break and leave me stranded. I am heart broken and feeling quite lost without it. I am currently at my cousins house following up on my emails and facebook. I've been develping a new post in my mind on the bipolar weather we have been having here in the Valley. Each day is a new adventure and I'm ususlly quite upset about it. We have gone from beautiful shorts and flip flop weather, do deep snow, to flood like rain. Its insane here. I'm needing a break from it, and it just might be coming soon! I have been collecting some sweet photos, so maybe one day I will be able to post about it. Maybe.

They Came!

My dear friends, Milo and Kym Wiltbank traveled the long distance from Oregon to Utah. We spent last Saturday tourin' the Square. I don't think I have ever taken a tour of the Square. I think we've always just walked around on our own. I certaintly learned a lot of interesting facts, and I had some great company! They mentioned a return trip in the summer with the whole fam, I can't wait! Which will consist of a visit to sunny St. George, and a beautiful temple ceremony :D

**They were quite taken with the "Utah Culture" they were witnesses of. Their oddest quiry: caffine free rootbeer.....

True Story

"Once, my serve broke a girl's nose. It was the best day of my life. It was my favorite!"

He IS real!!

Kirby Heyborne is a real live person! I know cause I SAW him today!! He came into the store to promote his newly released CD, "The Elm Tree". All morning we were so giddy, awaiting the clock to strike 3:30 pm, this appointted time of his arrival. Whe he came, we were so shell shocked, and scared!! All I could do, was stare at him. He is our Tom Cruise of the Mormon Media. He is just so lovely and personable. Well, I can't exactly speak from experince... I was too chicken to go say hi. I know, lame. But my sweet and thoughtful roommate asked him to sign something for me! The nearest object was a bag. He told Kris to tell me to put all my hopes and dreams into this bag, but then said, "The bag is kind of small, so tell her she can't dream too big...."

Too bad I wasn't as brave as this girl.....

Great news!! You too can come meet Kirby. He will be at our store again THIS Saturday!!! He will be there Saturday, April 4, 2009 12-1:30. Take this opportunity to come chat, he is super nice. As well as the following authors:
:: Elizabeth Craig :: Josi Kilpack :: Jed Knudsen & Daryn Tufts :: Brad Wilcox ::

And then that same Saturday evening, we will have our bi-annual "Ladies Night". Great atmosphere, great music, humanitarain projects, refreshments from The Lion House Pantry, Author signings, and live entertainment. The first 100 ladies will also recieve a free gift, but I warn you, you'll have to come pretty early to stand in line! There will also be drawings through out the evening for great product from a fabulous company: Deseret Book. (And yes, every DB location hosts their own Ladies Night. You can join in on the fun at any location.)

The following authors and artists will be in attendance at Ladies Night:

:: Ally Condie :: Julie Olson :: Tamilisa Wood :: Mercy River::

While the men are away the women will play!!